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Updated: Jun 21, 2020

Dating in your mid-30s is complicated or non-existent. There’s no in between. Add a global pandemic to that and you start to wonder if there’s life on other planets. Part of you is grateful to not be homeschooling math, while the other side starts to think about who’s going to take care of me when I get old? You slowly realize you have full conversations with your dogs. Their confused head tilts, cynical eyebrows, or exacerbated sighs go ignored as you talk to them about whatever comes to your mind. Lately my ruff conversations have revolved around the online dating game.

There’s the separated but not legally (for years) so still married just not living together. The I’m just trying to focus on myself but I really like you, but I can’t just focus on one person right now. The long time fwb that comes and goes sliding into your inbox between relationships. The ghost. Mr. Booked & Busy. I would love to get up but I've got my kids. The He-Man Woman Hatter who is permanently jaded thanks to the women in his past. I’ll spare you the other ridiculousness. (Insert hard eye roll).

Thank goodness my journey of wtf is wrong with me- I mean self discovery, acceptance, living my best life, and healing provided me with the ability to discern the lesson. I often stop and recall life lessons from the School of Dad. One of his gems was in relation to dudes, but can be applied to people in general. “Alysse, when people show you who they are, believe them. The FIRST time. Second time, shit’s on you.” No I’m not saying people don’t deserve second opportunities (that’s not what this is about). This is about taking off the rose-colored glasses, and trying to put someone into the box that you’re looking to fill. They are them and you are you. They said what they said. People will always answer your questions. It’s just not always what you want to hear.

This concept is especially hard for me as a Pisces. Always dreaming about the grand, exponential things. Anything is possible. The quest for the fairy tale yielded a lot of heartache, and tough lessons learned. Ignoring the red flags, because "they're not that bad," or "it could be worse" and there's always "at least he's not..." Knock, knock Sis? Really? I'm by no means saying my past relationships were bad people, but I didn't listen when they showed who they were. Not that I couldn't hear it or see it, but I wasn't READY to see them for who they were. I just knew I could make it work, relationships are about compromise right? I can certainly get them to see what I see through those rose colored glasses. LOL.

With over a decade of dating under my belt, I'm grateful for those relationship lessons. I want more than a guy who checks the boxes of tall, dark, facial hair, teeth, and clean fingernails. Add employed, reliable transportation and you may have secured yourself a second date! In seriousness, each relationship elevated my level of understanding as to what a lasting, loving and healthy relationship looks like. We don't have to like the same things(I'd really prefer not to share), have the same hobbies (time and space apart is great), watch the same shows (I hate television). We do have to have similar family and spiritual values. We do have to have a firm understanding of self and a commitment to supporting the best in each other. All of this is possible when you listen to understand the other person.

Now can someone please help me understand the aforementioned fuckery that is online dating now?

Love & Light


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